Improve Problem Solving with your Spouse
Improve Problem Solving
Here's the Link to the Video of this Message:
Have you ever found yourself locked in a tug-of-war with your spouse, battling over issues instead of tackling them together? It's a common scenario in many marriages, but what if I told you there's a way to turn that contention into collaboration?
A Simple Tool with Significant Impact
I want to share with you a technique I learned from Dr. Henry Cloud. It's a very straightforward but also powerful tool that will redefine how you and your spouse approach problem solving. Imagine using nothing more than a piece of paper, a pen, and a shift in perspective to revolutionize your relationship's dynamics.
It's not just about the problems you face but how you face them together that defines the strength and resilience of your marriage.
Here's the tool:
Take a piece of paper and write the name of your problem on it. Then sit next to each other and place the paper on the other side of the table. Now the two of you are literally on the same side united in solving the problem.
This method rests on a crucial concept: externalizing the problem. By jotting down the issue on a piece of paper and placing it across the table, it becomes something you both can visually confront, together. This act alone shifts the battleground from being between you and your spouse to being you both against the problem.
It’s a subtle but powerful reframe that encourages teamwork, empathy, and constructive communication.
Here's how to use it:
1. Address problems quickly: Recognize the issue early and agree to tackle it together when its small so that it doesn't turn into something larger. 2. Externalize the Problem: Write it down and physically place it so both of you can face it united. 3. Actively Listen: Listen to your spouse share their feelings and thoughts, then repeat it back in your own words showing you understand. When your spouse feels understood, then it's your turn to share as your spouse focuses on understanding your perspective, thoughts and feelings. 4. Invite God's Wisdom: Start your brainstorming with prayer, inviting God to guide you as you problem solve. 5. Brainstorm and Plan: Let your creativity flow to jot down potential solutions, then refine these ideas to agree on and create an action plan.
Why does this strategy work? Because it’s based in the wisdom shared in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, reminding us that "Two are better than one... If either of them falls down, one can help the other up... A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." It highlights the strength found in unity – with each other and with God.
In conclusion, let's remember that problem solving in a marriage is not just about finding the solution to a particular problem, but about how those solutions are found — together, with understanding, and guided by the Holy Spirit
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