How to Be a More Considerate Spouse: 7 Bible-Based Habits

Marriage isn't built on grand romantic gestures that happen once a year. Instead, it's the small daily choices and quiet, prayerful thoughts that create a relationship that doesn't just survive, but truly thrives.

But what does it really mean to be considerate? At its heart, being considerate means to think—to actively consider what your spouse needs or wants throughout the day and do your best to meet those needs. It's about developing a mindset where your partner isn't just someone who shares your home, but someone who occupies your thoughts regularly. This means pausing during your busy day to wonder how they're feeling, what challenges they might be facing, or what small gesture could brighten their day.

True consideration requires intentionality. It's the opposite of going through life on autopilot, assuming your spouse is fine or that they know you care. Instead, it's about cultivating a heart that genuinely seeks to understand and serve the person you've committed your life to. When you're thinking about your spouse throughout the day—wondering if they need encouragement, remembering something important they mentioned, or noticing when they seem stressed—you're laying the foundation for a deeply connected marriage.

Here are seven powerful Bible-based habits that can transform you into this kind of considerate spouse.

In our world of constant distractions, truly listening has become incredibly difficult. How often does your spouse start sharing something important while your eyes remain glued to your phone or TV? You might hear the noise, but you're missing the heart behind the words.

Being a considerate spouse means giving the gift of your full attention. When your partner talks, put the phone down, turn to face them, and make eye contact. This simple physical act sends a powerful message: "You are more important than anything else right now. You matter."

James 1:19 calls us to "be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." Notice the order - we're called to be quick to hear first. It's about listening to understand, not just to formulate your reply.

Our words have incredible power. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that "death and life are in the power of the tongue." In marriage, this is doubly true. Our words can be a source of life and healing, or they can become careless weapons that leave deep wounds.

Rash words spoken in moments of frustration can create scars that last for years. Being considerate means choosing your words carefully, especially during disagreements. As Proverbs 12:18 says, "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Before you speak, ask yourself: Is what I'm about to say true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?

It's easy to fall into routines and start taking each other for granted. The coffee being made, bills being paid, and kids being cared for can become invisible and expected rather than appreciated, leaving your spouse feeling unseen and unvalued.

Fight this by developing a habit of daily specific appreciation. Instead of generic thanks, try: "Thank you for making coffee this morning. It really helped me start my day right" or "I appreciate how patient you are with the kids."

1Thessalonians 5:11 encourages us to "encourage one another and build each other up." Specific words of appreciation are a powerful way to show your spouse that you see them and value what they do.

Our culture often screams "What's in it for me?" but Christian marriage calls us to live counter-culturally. Being considerate means thinking throughout the day about what your spouse needs, wants, or ways you can lighten their load without expecting anything in return.

Start with a simple prayer: "God, show me how to love my partner well today. Help me see their needs and give me grace to meet them."

This could be as simple as taking out the trash without being asked, running an errand, or giving them time for themselves. As 1 Corinthians 10:24 says, "No one should seek their own good, but the good of others."

Of all the habits that can transform a marriage, praying together might be the most powerful and intimate. For many couples, it can also feel the most intimidating. Yet it's in that shared vulnerability before God that a unique and unbreakable bond is forged.

This practice often begins with privately praying for your spouse throughout your day. But praying together invites God to be the very center of your relationship, admitting you can't do this on your own and need His wisdom and grace.

Prayer time doesn't have to be long or formal. It can be as simple as holding hands before bed, sharing one thing you're thankful for and one thing you need prayer for, then praying for each other.

No marriage is perfect because it's made up of two imperfect people. The key sign of a healthy marriage isn't the absence of conflict, but how quickly conflict gets resolved.

A real apology names the offense: "I'm sorry my words were harsh and disrespectful earlier today. That was not loving of me. I commit to not doing that again. Will you please forgive me?"

Equally important is forgiving quickly. Holding onto bitterness is like poison that slowly eats away at your relationship. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to forgive "because God in Christ forgave us."

One of the first things to disappear when life gets busy is quality time together. You can spend hours in the same house but never truly connect because of distractions.

A considerate spouse gets proactive and schedules regular uninterrupted time to connect. This might be 15 minutes every evening with no phones or TV, just talking.

This action tells your spouse they are a priority and that your relationship is so important you're setting aside dedicated time just for them.

Romans 12:10 calls us to "be devoted to one another in love" and "honor one another above yourselves." Setting aside dedicated time is a practical way to show that devotion.

These seven habits might seem like a lot, but don't feel overwhelmed. The goal isn't perfection - it's progress. Pick one habit to focus on this week, get comfortable with it, then add another.

These aren't just items on a checklist; they are postures of the heart. Small daily acts of love that, over time, will build a marriage that's not only stronger but also a beautiful reflection of God's love. Remember to rely on God's grace - He's the one who will empower you to love well.